The crazy in me.

If you're clicking on this link from my Facebook page, you might find yourself thinking I'm a crazy person. Which is okay. My best friend called me crazy once. No, wait. Actually, he called me mentally ill, unstable, neurotic, bipolar, etc....you get my point. The synonyms go on and on. Any form of crazy you can think of, I'm pretty sure he called me it. Or thought it about me. God. How pathetic of me to think that THAT was a best friend. Why didn't someone slap me? Anyway. Back to my crazy. 

If you're my FB friend, you might have read a post from me recently that stated something along the lines of "I see people. I love people." It's true. I do. Often times, I don't even realize who is around me. It's like I'm blind to the physicality of human beings. I just move about on this planet in my own little world, thinking my own little thoughts. And I like that. I wish more people would just live their own lives and stop trying to dictate the lives of others. If you're a dude and you wanna be with another dude, rock on. If you're a chick and wanna be with a dude, rock on. If you're a chick and wanna be with a chick, rock on. Who are we to judge? Would you want someone telling you not to be with someone because he has brown eyes? Hell no, you wouldn't. So shut up and love people too. My Ma was always a very laid back parent. She never made me feel like something I liked was wrong or right. She always let me make my own decisions about everything. She's a good Ma. And people are scared of her. Which I like. I think people are scared of me sometimes too. Maybe it's because I'm a crazy person. But I don't mind. I got it from my Ma. My point to all this is that I really do love people, largely due to my cool Ma. Now here's the crazy part. 

Sometimes, like right now, I don't love people. I feel disappointed in people for random and various reasons. And by people, I include myself. I'm disappointed in myself for trusting people. For making bad decisions. For saying hurtful things. For not always loving people. For not being able to eliminate emotions from my thought process. For not being able to forgive and forget. I could go on about why I disappoint myself. But that's kind of depressing. My point to THIS is that sometimes, even though I love people, I wish I could love people better. Especially people who love me, because usually those are the ones who disappoint me the most. And sometimes the love I receive isn't enough for me. And that makes me disappoint myself too. 

My goal is to be better than that in my 29th year of life. I've got two hands, one beating heart...and I'll be all right. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5GBT37_yyzY